On Being A Rock Star

I got asked, "do you want to be on stage again?" and the question was about becoming a "rock star". I had just watched Anthony "The Swan" Kiedis with Michael- aka Flea, at just about 50 years of age, topless in a concert taped in Ireland. Chad still sat back there hat on head, and the guitarist of the day, (ala Spinal Tap, but in a good way), had a great sound both on strings and vox. The New "Twan the Swan" seemed to be contented, not so crappy and drugged out, and wow, actually coherent. He always is coherent, but even more so- his eyes said, "Clarified".

One of my songs, "Debbie Harry", which should be live on the Ratmando Site eventually, is about all the women who inspired me from the super goddess of voice Gladys Knight, to Souixie Soux, to Chrissie Hynde, to of course, Ms. Bad Ass her own self, Debbie Harry. I used to hear 'You sound like Rita Coolidge"or, "Hey, did you record that like Karen Carpenter?" which made me nuts. I wanted to be Wendy O'Williams. It would anger me that I wasn't able to make Freddie Mercury's voice come out of my mouth when I was 10. And, if I couldn't play drums like John Bonham, how would ANYONE listen to me do rock music?

I never did become the next Wendy O. I did get a tattoo and piercings, but I never learned to play drumkits, just talking drums, and percussion toys. My voice still sounds like I'm part Rita Coolidge, part Karen Carpenter. The bands I was in tended to be part punk-pop, part pre-grunge. My body was small, my hair was big, and my eyes were bigger- and that usually added to the fact people would think I was a member of L7. Comedy ended up taking over my night life, when my body stopped being that of a 20 something. But there I have to thank Shirley Manson, Chrissie Hynde, Tina Turner, Madogga, er.. you know her real name, I can't really stomach her much... but I appreciate her role in women in music history. Ann and Nancy Wilson of Heart- they are the pair that REALLY tell it. Hot rock chicks over 40 are great- but Hot ROCK chicks over 50? THAT is my next goal.

I last saw Ann and Nancy at a Pearl Jam concert in Vegas, where I live. Vedder, by the way, is touring starting this April, here in town. And the tickets are stupid expensive. Oh, wait, a hot guy with a ukelele, that makes more sense for pricing. That and his show is now sold out. Meanwhile I missed Chris Cornell, as apparently 2/3rds of the Pearl did, because the place was hollow according to friends. THAT is a singer I want to be like, on stage anyhow. Yet, not off stage. His life was hell for years. I'm drug stupid. I even wrote about how stupid I am regarding them. I can't possibly get into them- I'm on too many real meds for real issues. I hate being out of the loop on things, too. This is another story for another time, and involves Ambien, and Indian Medicine. Nevermind. Ann and Nancy-  Voices blended smoothly, Robert Plantesque, as usual. Guitar wasn't a chick version- Juliana Hatfield, what were you thinking with that line anyway? If you get the June 2003 bootleg, (bootleg??boondogle- they make cash, it's not a boot.), if you get that one, though, they Rock in the Free World at the end of the show, and it's slamming.

I never appreciated Heart. I mean, Dog and Butterfly- couldn't get that out of my head for years. Dreamboat Annie was in my collection because a "born again" friend gave me all her secular music once she discovered that Satan was in charge of it all. I tried to convince her it was SANTA but it didn't matter. I never bought a Heart album. It was only for the reason- I wasn't sure how pretty voices worked in hard rock, punk, or the folky rock I was into- and white chicks wailing when I was into Motown? Couldn't fathom it. But they did worm their magic into me somehow. By the time Singles came out, I had met the women a few times, and even met Cameron Crowe at SXSW.

Ann spoke at a conference once- could have been something other than a conference- I didn't do drugs, but Ambien really messed me up- and I heard her really wake up a lot of people on their opinions of women and body image in the media. She also had a stutter as a kid, and I battle aphasia, so it was very cool to hear her words. People look at image, before they meet the humanity. I got to see her humanity and suddenly I paid attention to Heart. I learned about how the women started the band, how they wrote, and how they battled the public when Ann started to gain weight. As a child I wasn't fat, but I THOUGHT I was, and because I was never told otherwise, I thought I looked manly, ugly, and by all means, the least attractive girl in school. Public image reflects our faults in a magification worthy of the Hubble. Here was the most beautiful woman in rock, and she was having that same issue. In-sane!

If image is what matters when you do touring, then what's the point of being a woman on stage? Well, that's bullshit, is all. Pink will be doing her thing when she's in her 70's just like the Rolling Stones are doing now. (yeah, I know they're pensioners) Sharon Jones- MAN I want to be her sometimes. That is a joyful playful stage songstress. There are way too many GREAT women on stage. and of course- Debbie Harry is one of the best. Her "BITE ME"attitude is just so her. Patti Smith. And the younger gals who rip it up like Ting-Tings, and Spinnerette. Love it. LOVE it. They'll be moms, they'll be broads, they'll be kick-ass, they'll be musicians, they'll be the people I see live.  See that's the difference.

Back to the point. I am in my 40's. I am not perfect, perky, and to my own opinion, as pretty as Gwen Stefani- or other gals who make over 40 something glamorous when they work. I have physical disabilities. I write songs. I write a LOTof songs. Melodies and Lyrics are my strength and according to my perfect jazz master husband, I am a hooker. Ahem. I can write Hooks really well. But, I think the days of having me in a band that plays live are gone for those reasons, and because I see how the road affects people. I see how playing by paying clubs affects music. I see how egos become a plague when you're around other people on stage. It's just not my idea of a great time. I will happily be studio bound. And that's where I head RIGHT now! I stay home with my furry family, my loving wonderful husband, and in my HOME, something I truly wanted from the time I was a very small girl. A home is so much to me- the road isn't worth losing that.

Hermit By Nature, Music By Gimp

One of my biggest issues in working with others is that I'm a hermit by nature, and really don't work with others. Maybe it's a character flaw, but really, I think it's just that I get the big picture of my own creativity- it is my responsibility good or bad. Of the bands I've worked with, one was with a bass player who wanted to be the next Gedde Lee, and he tried to re-arrange all my music to reflect that. Sadly, he didn't undertand progressive rock, and everything he played tended to be rather highy pitched, and not really smart. He was a fair player, but an unfair band mate.

A second band, earlier in my music-mission, was not even a band. It was a really cool ginger fellow who went to school with me. He wrote amazing music, and I was granted the permission to sing one of his tracks. Sadly, it was just a one time thing, and I had hoped that he would put out more so I could sing more of his poetry. That was great fun, and I still remember every note.

The two other bands I ran myself. One was in Santa Fe, and had three drummers, none who played a standard kit- all who were from countries whose names are distant memories to anyone from Africa. The rhythm is everything next to the lyrics in my book, and the guitarist I had wasn't up for it. The poor guy- to this day I'll remember him trying to figure out what chords he could possibly do for a solo that would match a talking drum, a dumbek and whatever the other guy played that week. The other was in Boston, back when I was still in high school, but as most people could surmise, a high school band doesn't go for without some support from some adults, and none of us could count our parents in on any help of any kind, creatively. When I graduated a year early, the rest of the gang went on without me, and so it goes, they went into other bands in college, some doing okay.

That's not to say I hadn't TRIED to work with others. The second to last husband met me when I was studying jazz vocals, and he was playing trumpet. We could have worked together a lot- but as much as I had him in MY gigs, he never seemed to want me in his. He joined a huge band, and there wasn't room for me in it. My last husband, the one I have now, and the one I will NOT trade in, is a pianist of world class renown. He is working with me on a recording project, but it's been YEARS in the making.

When I work with others, I'm learning, I have to take into account their visions may not be what I have, and vice versa. My goals are to record as many songs as I've written, hopefully sell them to the token Piece of Arse du jour who is singing on some stage to lots of people, and make money that way. Others suggest I become part of the fogies tours and get on stage myself. Not going to happen- too gimpy, and again, hermit.

The other issue seems to be my political and nonreligious leanings. I am squarely middle of the road if the road is on the left, and certainly as godless as any heathen should, would, could, and can be. (godlessgrief.com) I find religion and anything that's 'god'-ish just barbaric and archaic. If man had meant us to have gods he would have made them more manageable. Or something. When it turns into control, it's not a doctrine of theology, it's a dogma of beaurocracy.  Blunderful at best. Generally I start talking to people about working on some music together, and next thing I know I'm being asked to talk about a relationship with a story book character. Don't play that well. At all. It's not my nature.

Music involves learning and listening. The band of the hour for me is Them Crooked Vultures, because of the perfect song writing, great rhythm section, and I only have ONE album, as that's all they've done so far, but can't wait for the rest. Because I can't, I'm listening and getting inspired to become THAT good. The pile of MP3's is growing. Hugely. I'm also working to reach out to people I listened to 20-30 years ago who have changed me. (I can't believe I'm SAYING 30 years ago...) It's been fun reaching out finding Willie "Loco" Alexander, Robin Lane, and looking up Human Sexual Response. And, it's sad to hear of the passing of friends and music monsters from Boston, Norfolk, and half the world I was in touch with years back.

Keeping on the keeping on here, and it seems like I'll have some sort of music recorded this year after all. It may be just demo material, but it will be mine and I'm okay with that.

The CIrcle of Influences

I spent the last couple of nights looking for bands that were around in the late 70's early 80's (er 1900, not 1800), in Boston, Virginia, Florida and Chicago-- I lived there then- pick a town- and spent a lot of time getting amped about new music, and older stuff. In Los Angeles, I was known as "the drumstick girl" because inevetiably you could find me wasting a LOT of time driving in my hand painted Chevy Cavalier drumming on a pad in the drivers dashboard. I used to think I'd play drums for ever, but since I never bought anything other than a Dumbek, a talking drum, and a bongo- not likely.

So the Circle of Influences- the chain of who has taken my ears through the years started with Gilbert O'Sullivan when I was just a wee pizza eating juke box user, at the Pleasant Cafe in Roslindale, a township just south of the city. The very first concert I ever went to of the Rock variety was The Bay City Rollers, I admit it. But, I wanted to see Queen, and finally did two years later. I was 13, but my friend Mary was 17, so my dad let me go with her. That was the start of a very long love affair with live music.

The worst part of being me is that I have a tendency towards stress related illnesses. Or, at least I did back in the late 70's and early 80's. I was forced into slavery by Colitis. (Yep, you look that up and see if I was very social as a kid.) Short version, I'd get places an hour or two early, if I went at all, and I ended up doing a LOT of things alone as not to embarass people I knew. But, I did get to hear the Del Fuegos, Girls Night Out, The Fools, and I was NOT at Boston Common when the tree branch fell during Anita Baker's show.. don't blame me.

Three of my favorite Boston bands were Scruffy the Cat, 3 Colors, and Mission of Burma. I was heavy into Human Sexual Response, Jon Butcher, and Robin Lane, too. I used to visit Landsdown Street for music, and TT Bears in Cambridge for music experiences. I'm now trying to contact the old bands to see if I can send them a Thank YOU cd of music based on their influences. Heart already said yes. Hope they dig it.