Why I Don't Drink and Blog....

Last night, my loving, kind, amazingly talented Jazz pianist husband came home to his very wiped out wife. But the real story is that I have insomnia. It isn't a mere occasional sort of rough night. Nope,there are full week long sessions of yours truly not nodding as one should. Last night was the opposite of that as I not only had a Temazepam, but I was dosed with 6mg of Melatonin.

I don't really drink because I am full of medication, and that would make great news but ruin life. I like the whole living thing. Some of my meds make me a bit loopy and others just help in pain management. Drinking doesn't do much for me other than make me cranky or bored.

Since I have so many meds, one thing that started about a year ago - I started having conversations in my sleep. I mean full on conversations and not just sort of words. The words are heard and understood by my husband, who then responded" waiting to see how I would possibly construct a new sentence with "shoes", "Lithiunia", and "oriole" thinking that I sound logical. A lot of the time I am completely asleep but in that phase where I could, if I want, hear TV with my eyes closed. Mike enjoys it.

The newest addition to the insomnia shuffle is that I now walk into different parts of the house, and perform the odd task or two. One time I decided that the milk need to be taken from the fridge and put by the trash cans. Another time I decided the toaster would work perfectly fine if only it were nearer to the television. These are all important decisions, and NEED to be done as I stumble in my sleep. If you see my husband ask him about Indian Medicine, as it will make him laugh, and embarrass me to no end. I am asleep, and doing something. This is all part of the need to be needed, doing important things, making life a series of wise choices rather than foolish moments. And yet, I put the bubble wrap in the bathtub for this is what bubbles do. 

The word combinations aside, what seems to be more important to lyrics to me is that comprehension be evident to people other than myself. It annoys me that some folks are so into the idea that they need to be in the upper echelon of cool, that they forget the people listening to them want to be a part of the emotions, get the meanings, feel the words, and own the music inside as well as on the MP3 players. For this reason, I spend a lot of time reworking songs and making sure they don't sound as uppity as my education would make it. I don't want to have someone hear what I'm saying and think " I don't get it". It would be much cooler to have someone say, "you got me". So that's how I work it. I'm sure I'll be awake the next time. What rhymes with Oriole?

I did it again- and no Whitney talk here...

First getting the big thing out of the way. The other day Whitney Houston died, and this isn't going to be about her. It can't be. I am not her, and I don't know her life experiences. I don't have any feeling of being influenced by her, and although it hurts that someone so young- or even when anyone goes ground- it wasn't my life to live, and I can't expect to know her mind, or her family. I feel sorry that her daughter will be in pain for a long time. I also feel this way for ANYONE who loses a closeness from their lives. Maybe that's you right now. No pity from me, just know I've been there too, and get it. It sucks. Get tears flowing, and life going- it's going to be bumpy, but you'll get through.

Now to the poorly worded Britney Spears line-- I didn't plan to, but I ended up taking care of someone else before myself again. I have a lovely side job that allows me the opportunity to work with some special people, who have done a lot in entertainment. I spent the last week helping one of these folks out, and then left my own projects sitting. That's not the point of living in the NOW. That's living in the idea that my life is about taking care of everyone else in the world but myself. I can't keep doing that. I need to finish what I'm working on for him, but then I have to let it go for awhile. He is a dear friend, and will understand, but I hope I will.

That's the problem I think many of us have. We're so wrapped up in the idea that we need some sort of approval, or some sort of acknowledgment for NOT letting someone down, we let ourselves down. This week I'm holding myself to a task. I'm going to approve of myself, and not let me down. Sounds hokey, huh? Maybe.

I signed up for Kickstarter, and I got a project approved from the New Yorkers who be the Kickstarter folks. It is about the music I do, the comics, the videos- it's all of who I am in my art work, and it's all of who I am in my music. The project is called Finding RatManDO- and it's going public in the next few days. I'll post a link, and feel free to share it. If I raise the money to fund it, I'll have a video, album, and comic book to share later this year.

This also helps me figure out what I'll be doing this year- Comic-Con SD or Long Beach, for a way to sell the project to others. I've been to San Diego for surfing, art, comedy- and Comic-Con, but not all at the same time. I can't surf anymore. I want to try, sometime, but so far, fear of harming the few working joints I have left is a bit too great. Comic-Con- wow what an adventure- but it's turned into TV/Movie con, and way too many people there. That, and have you tried to get a hotel room for under $200 within walking distance? Yeah, even Motel 6 is over priced that week. The drive there also damages me for a few weeks after, as well. We'll see.

Meanwhile, I'm finishing up the last bits of helping out my fellow artist. I have my MIDI device sitting nearby. I have my lyrics ready to go. I have some melody lines saved on my smartphone. I've been reading up on my music theory- I wish I had finished courses in San Francisco on this- I would have loved to have that second MA this week. It was fun watching Adele on 60 Minutes because she's just the musician I love this month. Tomorrow night as my husband is working, and performing in front of a thousand or so of his favorite Valentine dates- I'll be here practicing on the electric guitar.

Here's my promise to me this week. This week, I will post some more lyrics on my Ratmando.net site, and update it so I can post a link to it for anyone interested. I'm still in the process of updating my own site, which I hadn't done in a few years. BUT this time, it's for me.